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holiday weekend trash day is sort of filled with serious stuff

1 Jul

Greetings from Boston after one hell of a week. Patty’s in Ohio dealing with some family stuff and I’m up here for work, although I am headed back to New York tonight.

Not a lot has changed since the amazing adventures of last weekend. We’ve replaced our electronics; there’s still plywood on the window and we’ve been dealing with tons of apartment/lease related stuff. We’ll be moving out of our current place by August 15, and would love to find a new place with a lease that begins on or around August 1. If you have any leads for us (2 bedroom, around 2K) in Brooklyn or Manhattan, please get in touch.

Perhaps the most upsetting part of the entire situation at the moment (and there are a lot of upsetting parts, I’ve been a bit sparse on some of the more aggravating parts of this publicly) is that I’m in a really good mood today, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is not normally how I do things.

Meanwhile, I know I’m always like “I have news, soon!” but I really, really do! The RSN is getting RSN-ier.

Lately, I’ve been having a great time on Twitter. Some of that’s been a small world theater experience that’s been slightly surreal, some of that is all the new people that I’m talking to in the wake of all my #NY4M tweets, and some of that is the wackiness of the Glee fandom (Chris Colfer needs to know where to buy sea monkey food, okay?).

Via one of those channels I was recently pointed to Dorothy Surrenders which bills itself as “A Gay Gal’s Guide to Pop Culture.” I’m just so glad this thing exists. I’m so sick of the whole “lesbians are dour” thing (among a million other stereotypes that screw over pretty much every one).

The piece that pointed me there was also interesting because it was about gay by association, but what really startled me was that I assumed the piece would be about “look at how gay and straight public figures can’t be seen in public together because everyone assumes the straight one is gay and then it’s a big PR headache.” Instead, it’s about this sort of thing from the queer perspective, i.e., “I wonder if she’s on our team.”

So, a bit less grim than I expected, but wow, I’d really like a world where closeting and speculation weren’t so part of the game, because this whole thing where speculation, regardless of whether with positive or negative intent, adds a layer of scandal and whisper to sexual orientation conversations that serve no one.

Which brings me, oddly, to another topic entirely. While I’ve been focusing on and will continue to focus on queer equality issues, there’s also a war on women going on in the U.S., specifically as regards reproductive rights and access to both birth control and safe, legal abortion services. One very prominent example is in Kansas.

As regards queerness, I believe that coming out is a privilege, but also that it is a responsibility. If you can come out safely (and safely doesn’t mean “without risk” it means “without what you define as unreasonable risk”), you have a moral obligation to our community to come out. I also believe it is inappropriate to out anyone unless they actively, publicly work against queer causes.

But there are, in this world, a whole lot of things to come out about other than sexual orientation. And abortion is one of them. 35% of all women in the US of reproductive age will have had an abortion by the time they are 45. 35%.

But we never talk about that do we? Do you want to know why? Because when women write articles about their abortion experiences, such as Mikki Kendall’s “Abortion Saved My Life” they get harassed, threatened and publicly shamed; they wind up in danger.

So I would like to add to “if you’re queer and you can be out, you should be out” with “if you’ve had an abortion and you can be out about it, you should be.” Because being out about issues that put people at risk does, over time, make everyone safer. I promise I’ll be revisiting this topic in a few weeks when my life is a little less consumed with plywood, brokers fees and moving, because I believe in the obligation.

In completely different and more cheerful news, since people keep asking since it’s programming season: no Dragon*Con for Patty and I this year (I’ve mentioned this before, but that was months ago and it’s slipped everyone’s minds, including ours). We’re going to San Francisco instead. I promised I take her one day right when we first started dating and this is the year. Woo!

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3 Responses to “holiday weekend trash day is sort of filled with serious stuff”

  1. Ali July 1, 2011 at 11:11 am #

    You are absolutely right.

    I had an abortion when I was 18. It was one of the easiest, and toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make, and I’m now 50. It still breaks my heart on a daily basis, even though I know it was the right thing to do, and I’m still firmly convinced that it should be an individual choice. Now I need to mull this over and make a post on my LJ. I’m not necessarily closeted about my abortion, but I don’t talk about it much, either. Thank you for the push.

  2. April July 1, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    That article (“Abortion Saved My Life) enrages me on so many levels. As a NICU nurse. As a nurse in general. As a freaking PERSON. I can’t even …

    Placental abruptions are an unfortunate part of life. They happen sometimes. When they happen, action is NECESSARY, and action needs to be taken IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes the baby is big enough to live – what pisses me off SO much is that if the baby had been 23 weeks gestation instead of 20, they would have immediately done an emergency c-section and put the baby in the NICU to try to save it (where it likely would have died), but at least the mother would have had immediate medical attention and gotten blood a LOT sooner than she did.

    But because it happened before the age of viability, that stupid ER doctor (who, and I apologize to any ER docs who may be reading this, hardly EVER really know what to do with L&D/OB cases) made a stupid-ass decision and risked the lives of BOTH his patients.

    Ugh. I’m sorry … this is just kind of what I DO, and it PISSES ME OFF when people who have no idea what they’re doing/talking about/whatever try to make decisions about stuff. And I’m sorry, but even if you’re like COMPLETELY against elective abortions … this is an ENTIRELY different scenario, and … yeah. I’m pissed. Sorry to spam your comments with my angry ranting…

    And now I have to go to work. And deal with this exact type of stuff. *sigh*

  3. deconstructingglee July 3, 2011 at 3:30 am #

    On the light side — pretty new layout! Also, have you only just found Dorothy Surrenders?

    Her TankTop Tuesday and GenderFuck Thursday features are legend!

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