You know that conversation that I assume most people have had with their parents at some point that goes like this?
Parent: Did you do that thing?
Parent: No, really.
You: I did the thing.
Parent: I seriously don’t think you get how important the thing is.
You: I did the thing! Look, I’ll show you the evidence of my having done the thing!
Parent: Don’t act like that. I trust you, but the thing is really important. So did you do the thing yet?
You: OHMYGOD I DID THE THING LAST WEEK!
Sometimes, I feel like the entire Internet is a version of that amongst peers:
You: A statement about a thing.
The Internet: Well, what you failed to consider is exactly the thing you just said.
You: Yeah, I said the thing that you just said back to me. So thing!
The Internet: Because I really don’t think you understand the thing you said that I’m retelling you because you totally didn’t actually just say the thing, because the thing is only said when I say the thing.
You: Okaaaaaaay. Yes, the thing! I said! The thing I said which then you said, that started this thing!
The Internet: No really, you’re not getting the thing!
You: Wait… I said the thing and you said the thing! So we agree on the thing! Let us dance! Frabjous thing day!
The Internet: Thingthing somethingsomethingthing noyoudidn’t thing
You: But the thing… Oh, fuck it….
You know? Tell me I’m not the only one.
(And because it’s inevitable: No, it’s not you. Or rather, yes, it is you. Because sometimes it’s all of us).