I think it’s fair to say that most people who are, or have ever been perceived as, female at any point in their lives hate getting their hair cut. It’s expensive, time consuming, and never exactly the way you want it. There’s skin care advice you don’t want, fretting about the grey you actually like, and inane questions about the heteronormative life you may not possess. And they if do get your hair right for a half a second they go and blow dry it and screw it all up so that you have to wash it again the second you get home. Let’s take a moment to share our collective pain.
Okay. Moving on.
Now, if you’re a woman or otherwise perceived/misperceived as female and you like to wear your hair short, it’s a whole new bucket of fun. Yes, I really want it that short. No, I’m not edgy or daring. Yes, I’ve worn it this short before. Yes, I’m sure. No, my boyfriend doesn’t have an opinion, because I don’t have a boyfriend. And when I did, do you know what his opinion was? His opinion was, you should cut my hair the way I want it cut.
I’m very specific when I get my hair cut, and I give them as much info as I can: “It’s been two months since my last cut, I want a basic men’s hair cut, straight across the back, part on the left, everything brushed forward, bit of fringe in the front, if it’s long enough that it starts to curl take more off.”
Today I had to assure my stylist I was a lesbian before she would stop advocating for me to “soften the look” and stop fretting about whether or not I was sure, as I sat there grinning viciously and thinking about the men who taught me how to be the type of beautiful I am.
What part of, “I wear custom suits, and I want this crap that ruins the line off the back of my neck” do you not understand? Oh, all of it. Right.
The haircut turned out fine. But seriously, I hate this process, which is why I get my haircut once every two or three months, as opposed to every three weeks like I should.
So let me put the word out: if you are a queer person who has ever thought about opening a salon for other queer people (bonus points if you’re a dyke, genderqueer or transmasculine and are thinking barbershop) in NYC, please do. I would happily pay a lot more and, in fact, spend a lot of time on the subway, even traveling to the far reaches of Brooklyn, to be among my own people, not get asked about the husband I don’t have, avoid the awkward when I bring reference photos of men who aren’t androgynous, and have someone cut my hair who understands that if I don’t feel a fucking razor on the back of my neck at some point in the process, they are doing it wrong.